Thursday, July 24, 2014

I won, damnit!

See this little asshole?  Yeah, yeah.  He looks so cute!  Look at those eyes!  That cute tail!  Those claw like talons that destroy garbage cans and make my refuse it's own buffet?!  So cute!
Over the past few months I've been in an epic battle with a gang of feral chipmunks and squirrels.  

Epic as in Caddyshack gopher battle.  These little f*&$%ers actually ate a hole (about 7" square) in my industrial strength garbage can (and those things ain't cheap!).   I tried everything, starting with the most humane options available.  I searched high and low for mint scented garbage bags (as they "supposedly" don't like the smell).  Found them.  They didn't work.  I looked for a new lid (this one is attached, couldn't find a new one).  I tried to seal the cover with duct tape.  Ha ha ha ha ha, the rodents laughed at me.

Then one day when I got out of my car, a chipmunk popped out of the top, and just stared at me.  Like, 'Hey human, no big deal, I'm just enjoying this sweet Chipotle you left in here.  Thanks!  But in the future, I prefer the shredded pork in my rice bowl.'  I lost it.  I went to Lowes and bought steel reinforced wall patches and Gorilla Tape and went to town.  I may have looked a little manic to the people in my neighborhood (laughing up at the sky while applying layer after layer of industrial strength duct tape) but I didn't care.

It's been over a month and there have been no attempts on the can.  No little claw marks.  No teeth marks trying to get through the tape.  I won, dammit.
I won.

Photo credit of food stealing rodent: James Marvin Phelps

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