So here I am....

It's nearly 1am and I have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to volunteer for the Ride for Roswell event. But I cannot sleep. I'm nervous and anxious and sad and worried. I'm visiting my friend this weekend, for the first time since learning she's terminal. It's been a whirlwind of her traveling home from the out of state hospital where she was receiving treatment (which they've since stopped), her daughter graduated today and Hospice orienting the family to what's to come. I'll be seeing her on Sunday and I have a knot in my stomach like I cannot tell you. I've seen people with terminal cancer in the end - I spent a month with my father (at Roswell, hence the volunteering tomorrow) while he fought for his life. I've done this. Why on earth would I have expected this to be easy, having experienced this before? Stupidity on my part. I want to be strong for her. I so desperately want to tell her it's going to be okay. I don't want my goodbye this weekend to be my last.