I remember

I remember exactly where I was 2 years ago tonight. I was sitting with my dad, alone. I held his hand, I talked to him for hours. I told him probably a thousand times how much I loved him. I crawled into his bed and to lie down next to him, just to feel close to him one more time. I remember this night perfectly. I was in a rocking chair next to his bed, and the lights were low. My mom went home for the first time in nearly a month to get some fresh air, only to return a few hours later. But how grateful I am for those few hours. My dad was surrounded by people who loved him dearly. People came from all over to say good bye. It was a busy hospital room, that's for sure. But this night...just this one night it was just my dad and me. As I sit here writing this, the memory is too much to bear. I will never, ever forget that time. The memories are painful - my father was not ready to die. My father was in a coma the last 3 weeks of his life, and that pains me in a way I can't express. Did he know how we all felt? Did he have anything else he needed or wanted to say? Did he hear Maddy when she crawled into bed with him to tell him she'd always feed the birds for him?

If I had my way he'd be here today. He'd be here forever. But we don't get our way in matters like this. He's in heaven now, and I know I'll see him someday. I know he's not in pain. And I know he's looking down on us. At least he'd better be... :-)